I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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