We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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