We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
