if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
