last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
