in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
