why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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