I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
