Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
