Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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