Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
