I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How does one acquire holy water?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
