i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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