Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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