the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
