Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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