I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
