my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
