I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
