All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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