I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
