I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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