I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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