Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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