my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
