I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
