Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
