Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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