He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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