You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
