if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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