i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
