Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You ate ashes out of my bong
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
