She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have fence marks all over my body
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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