drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize