I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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