So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
