nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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