i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
