; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
