She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
