Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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