Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
