My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
