"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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