There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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