I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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