fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize