I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
