I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
