i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
