but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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