I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
