So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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