what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize