I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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