I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
