If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
