wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
