eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
