how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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