She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
