If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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