jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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