my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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