Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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