Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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